A long time ago I used to be secretive about what I wrote, I would reveal it to no one. And when I felt my privacy was threatened I would hide my journals or in one case, toss them in the garbage on the street. Maybe I had a lot to hide, but maybe I just needed something that was mine, all mine. So when I decided to blog, I had spent about three months reading other people’s blogs before deciding to finally go for it myself. I have never or never do want to be a writer. Instead, I just write. Same reason I never went to art school as was encouraged by my teachers…I never want to do this for someone else. I do not mean that I see my blog as art by any means. I find people are way too quick to use the word “art” anyway. I will not patronize a place that is “the art of”…something. Like the art of chiropractic care, or the art of fencing. I want no creativity in there, especially someone’s idea of what art is. So that said, this is blogging, not art. Subjects covered vary and would take all day to describe..but specifically for women bloggers, and more specifically for “mommy bloggers” there is still an amazing range of opinions and good and crap writings and intriguing and painfully boring subjects covered. So as I did my research or “de-lurked” as its called, I got a little intimidated by web-rings that felt like cliques and blog sites with so many sidebar buttons that it felt like I had shown up at a Girl Scout meeting and the girls with all the badges all knew each other, and I had just graduated from Brownies. Did I want to belong to that? Some sites have golden arches and dancing salad ingredients in an advertisement in your peripheral vision while you try to read their post, or their entries link to so many other posts that it would take me months to get the back story, or posts with so many links to other sites that made me feel all ADD and I wouldn’t remember where I started. All I could determine was that I liked to write, and that was about as much as I was ready to commit to. I also knew that I would not post a daily fuzzy-edged photo of my dog, nor would I post about all the cute things my kid did that day (but maybe a few honorable mentions), and I would not link to mommy blogger sites that got a lot of traffic, but blogroll what I really read, and what I really read were sites where there are good writers posting about things without timid self-censorship.
I know that I tend to gravitate to bloggers that are a bit self effacing, and honest but have strength and pride in being a Mom and a woman. Although I can’t relate to posts about Prada shoes, I can appreciate that some things make you feel beautiful and there is nothing wrong with that. I find that sites that talk a lot about how fat and ugly childbirth has made them make me either send pillow-like comments of encouragement, or just feel sad. I also think that in writing an on-line journal some people put out there a lot of their feelings of insecurity for this very reason…to get a lot of support from women saying that they feel the same way or they are doing great and to keep on keepin’ on with that weight watchers, strollersize or whatever. Once upon a time we raised children in a village and within a family, many women are isolated in parenthood and blogging can provide a great deal of support and community. it feels like group therapy sometimes and often someone will put something risky out there and people will jump on or shoot it down as in the post about having anxiety attacks in Fiislippy. But it is rare to see a mom-blog discuss politics or human rights or reveal the details of an argument they had with their husband, or the problems they are having in the bedroom. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t need to touch on controversial or sensitive issues, what is great about blogging is that it can be whatever you want it to be, deep or shallow, light or heavy and all shades in between.
My blog tends to be on the heavy side for most readers of Mom blogs. And I have only just touched on the heavy stuff. It is therapy for me as writing has been since I was 12 years old. And putting it out “there” for the first time was a gesture of my unconditional love of writing, I ask for nothing in return, that no matter who reads it on any given day: weather it be 6 people or 600…I would write what I wanted to say and that I had no control over anything after that. Reactions, emotions and opinions would be fair game. But even though I am all for free speech and all, its my blog and I can moderate the shit out of my comments if I want to. Power to..um, me.
I read a blog called Girls gone Child, and one post not too long ago talked about the author getting a tattoo, and someone wrote something really dumb in the comments section. Another blogger Bite My Cookie responded with the best comment in reaction. I have seen it many times, the frequent readers will stand up for the person who’s blog has just been negatively commented on, and reminded of the unwritten rules of commenting. Willothewisp Blog, who has some of the most amazing posts I have ever read had a post about their adopted son. Because the writers are lesbians, a commenter spewed all kinds of homophobic crap on their doorstep. Willothewisp chose to keep the comment on, but I would have deleted it. I suppose it was to show a bit of the ignorance they are often met with, I wouldn’t have given them the opportunity to use my site as a means to be heard. Plenty of hate sites out there for them. People who correct my spelling or my facts are strange to me…hours and hours of that can be had at Wikipedia, not here. At one point I wrote about my religious beliefs, and got tagged as a pro-Catholic site which was pretty much the opposite of what I was trying to get across, and that was a little creepy. Nothing like putting your “radical” beliefs out there only to have them stuck in some religious right category cloud (yeah, stick THAT in your category cloud mister). But mostly I get positive and supportive comments, and it always amazes me that: 1. there are people who read it and 2. that there really are nice people in the world like I keep telling myself. I comment here and there on blogs I read, but not often. And I definitely do not choose an emoticon to add to my comment. I never used them on IM, and wouldn’t use one now. I feel that if ever I found an emoticon that actually showed what I was really feeling (and I have yet to)…I probably shouldn’t be commenting with it. I have a hard enough time conveying what I am trying to say in words without misinterpretation galore let alone adding the slightly inappropriate emoticon.
I once used to edit a web-journal for a famous rock star person whom I worked for, he would write things about people, art, politics, music, etc and use me as the gauge to keep something in, or take something out or word differently. Working with a readership of tens of thousands and writing from a perspective of someone in the public eye was very different. I had to be careful to keep within his writing style and not step on any toes. I would not want a journal like that. Although he wrote eloquently and was knowledgeable on so many subjects, it was way too constricting for me (as if I had that problem of being too visible). But it was an inspiration for me to write my own, so ill keep my specific criticisms to myself. He would have preferred that anyway as comments were always off.
My daughter started a blog and is keeping up with it, she is a little bummed because a few friends copied her and have blogs now too. I tried to explain that anything that encouraged people to write was a good thing and they were probably as different than the personalities of their writers. She didn’t buy it. I hope she continues writing. Who knows what blog-land (don’t call it a “blogisphere”) will be like when she is my age. By that time ill be too blind to type and be too busy racing my golf cart around with a fruity cocktail in one hand. Maybe they will teach code in school by then. It would be great to have a blog that stretched for many many years. and your children and grandchildren would have a real sense of who you were. This would be a big difference from the dusty letters found written long ago. But I don’t blog as an archive of my life, and I keep a written journal too to unload all the private stuff.
But for now my blog tends to be whatever comes to mind, and I am finding that I have a lot more to say than I thought did. And although I still only dip my toe into politics and religion…I am sure it seeps through the cracks more than I know. And if I ever show my soft underbelly, and am met with unkindness, I hope “yer moms” as they say in Brooklyn will have my back. But if not, its not like I will be surprised when people don’t agree with my views. And I am thankful that no one is forcing me to write anything (as no one is forcing anyone to read it either).
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