- So while reading my usual blogs that I read. I noticed that many other bloggers are experiencing a dry spell. Either because they are busy with other things or they have a bit of writers block. I have had a combination of the two. I love to write, it has been something that I absolutely needed to do for a long time. Like nothing else really. I haven’t been at a loss for what to say or write in the past that I can remember. Usually before I write a post I think about the topic and spend a day or two drifting off into a daydream thinking about it. Then as it formulates it becomes more of an itch that I have to scratch. I have to write the words down. I usually carry a notebook around with me to stop the repetition of thought so I don’t forget something and am able to release the thought and think about something else. I can be in bed, nearly asleep and in the most comfortable position I could be in, and if I think of something I have to write, I get out of bed and write it down. So for the last couple of weeks I have been thinking about an idea for a fictional story that has been rolling around in my head for, well years and it has taken over my thoughts so much that it it really stopped things up. I have notes here and there about it but never started to write it. And I finally figured out why. I was afraid that if I started to write it wouldn’t come naturally and it wouldn’t be fantastic right from the start. Or, that it was going to be awful. And then I realized that this was absolutely going to be the case. That if I started to write it, it would be a puzzle and a battle and fun and frustrating and that was what writing really was. That I had to love that part of it. Not just the “ill write what i want and edit rarely” type of thinking. I know that many women, when they have babies think it will be their chance to write the novel they have been wanting to write. I am sure it is nearly all of them that realize it doesn’t work like that. That there isn’t any time for it. I didn’t have that expectation when the twins came around. But I think ill start writing it anyway. I never wanted to be a novelist. I would really just like to get it out of my head so I can move on to another thing to write about, there is only so much space in my brain. I suppose I might have to have some discipline about it to get it done. That part seems easy. Its the allowing myself to write something even if it is going to be a struggle thats the hard part. I guess at this point I have to not care if its going to be perfect and assume it won’t be. Maybe then I can just write the damn thing.

- I had 3 hours of sleep last night. Three. By the time I got home from my late night shenanigans of throwing the contents of my sack of rotten vegetables at the PTA meeting … I was wired…. No actually I have been an insomniac since I was a young kid. I do all the no-nos that insomniacs are supposed to avoid. Like the decedent read in bed thing. Like my dog who insists on eating her treats on the rug…its just nicer to read in bed. I got up to pee like 10 times, and woke up at 1am when Tom’s alarm didn’t go off at midnight. He had to be on a ship that sailed at 2am from the west side of Staten Island. He leapt out of bed and got there in 20 minutes. I tossed and turned and so did Jack and together we did the horizontal dance of the sleepless. The kiddies woke up at 6am and I was feeling pretty good despite the two big glasses of wine I had the night before. Just my luck they opened a new wine shop around the corner from my house. My dog Izzy (aka creature from hell) shat on the floor twice in protest after I took her for an abreviated stroll denying her her usual leusurely morning sniff, shit and shit (yes, my dog goes twice). The babies were in their cribs yelling at each other. When they are awake I only will take Izzy to the two trees in front of my house. I considered putting her up for adoption again and then it all just made me sad with frustration. I have tried everything with this dog. And I mean EVERYTHING. She is a purebread corgi (oh never ever again) and she is a bit dense.

But she is very sweet and good with the kids and her sweetness the only thing preventing us from turning her into a muff. No one wears muffs anymore but I think Id like to start. Retro forties being in style again would be a good choice since I think we are finishing the re-80’s now. Once I got my kids to sleep for their nap, I took a shower and jumped in bed, only to have Mr. dumbass mailman ring my doorbell 6 times. The package did say it was for apartment #1 (I am apt #2) but he told me that he rang both bells. And I told him some french words I know. Jack and Marlowe woke up and were in horrible moods and then Jack ate an entire adult sized piece of veggie lasagna, Marlowe ate not much less. I am lucky to have such good eaters. And  thank God Tom came home because I was running on fumes.  We took them to swing on the freezing swings and slide down the big red slide a few times and came home and we put them into some freshies (new diapers) and now Tom is giving them a bath. Shampoo horns and sudz beards. I love this stay at home mom thing, I really do. But without sleep it is tough. I don’t know why I am so wired at night. Yesterday I walked in the park listening to music for a couple of miles or so. I figured it would help me sleep, but it didn’t much. I am meeting my friend Suzy for some dinner tonight. We both have had 3 hours of sleep, her lack of sleep is from jet lag, she got in from China two nights ago. Hopefully we won’t fall asleep in our duck sauce.

- I went to a PTA meeting last night at my daughter’s middle school. They had a workshop for parents about teen issues. They called it the “Juno Phenomenon” refering to the movie out in theaters called Juno (Diablo Cody its screenwriter has a blog by the way). I don’t think that teen issues are a phenomenon by any means. They happen generation after generation in similar ways. Teen pregnancy is not a new issue. Parents having no idea how to parent their teenagers is not a new issue. The workshop was interesting. Although I walked out of there with not a lot more than I walked into it, I did feel that the two teachers that presented it were wise and very aware of the real issues parents and teenagers face and I was really happy that they were women my daughter had access to. One was a gym teacher and the other a social worker from a local hospital who keeps hours at the school. We broke up into groups and listed our fears around friends, sex, family, curfews, & school. Then we were to discuss them with all of the groups and suggest positive ways of dealing with them. I was a little amazed that even parents who had older teens were there and not offering too much in the way of suggestions. Maybe thats why they were at the meeting, they still haven’t figured it out…or maybe their kids are very different from each other. I offered up a lot of things to add to the lists and was happy at how much I had figured out already. For the most part communication was key as well as showing your child that there are consistant rules and consequences. I am amazed at how many parents said that watching TV and Movies with their kids and discussing the issues addressed in them was easier than talking about issues directly with their kids. The kids were more likely to open up when referring to a third person instead of themselves. One woman suggested the series Saturday Night Lights. I have never seen it but she said that they leave no teen issue unturned. I am for that for the most part…let your kids watch what they want to watch, but watch it with them and discuss it. They will find a way to watch it anyway. I don’t mean to take them to see x rated movies, or severely violent movies. But chances are thats not what they are interested in seeing anyway. Luckilly the social worker hosts an after school group called Girl Talk that I will encourage Ruby to go to next year. They discuss teen issues mostly giving scenarios and discussing it together. For example: …hooking up vs. going out…how many boys can you hook up with before getting a label… There is new vocabulary and new rules since we were kids, and it is only going to get more complicated as they go into their high school years. One woman said that she couldn’t keep up with who was her daughter friends and what friends she had broken up with on what day. She said that she just listens and doesn’t get involved (a typical middle school embarrassment for the kids) and it resolves itself. I suggested that there would always be shifts in power between girls, but to keep a look out for kids abusing that power. Many parents of 6th graders were still seeing their son or daughter as still very young and far from the typical teen behavior you hear about. And many kids really are not there yet and will perhaps never break a curfew and be open about all of their feelings but thats likely going to change. My daughter is very mature for her age and already there are so many social dynamic issues that affect her deeply, and moreso this year than in previous years. Middle school is tough, its a lot of stress and expectation for perfection and acceptance. I remember it well from when I was a kid. Its only three short years but so much changes in them. I am glad that I went to the meeting, when our kids are babies parents search out each other and advice more, we are into Mom groups and read magazines and join on-line forums and ask friends and family members things like what products are best and when do you introduce solids and what is right developmentally and when should I take away the pacifier… but now that our kids are teenagers, we are disconnected from other parents. There isn’t much of a community of parents, most everyone has returned to work and most of our connection to adult communities is found there. The nice lady that I go see to help Ruby’s father and myself make decisions for her holds workshops on parenting depending on age groups. I heard her name mentioned a couple of times by parents in the room actually. I should go to one of her workshops. I think I have confidence that I am a good parent. It seemed from that meeting that I was on the right track anyway. But I can always learn more from those who have been through it I guess. I rebelled greatly as a child, but Ruby lives in a very different environment than I did. But my experience and memories of what I was lacking and what lead me to rebel are very valuable. I wish I could find that photo of me in 6th grade. I had spiked hair, and was wearing a ripped Psychic TV sweatshirt and wore a Pylon button….and listened to obscure British new wave. It was 1980, Pink Floyd’s The Wall and Michael Jackson’s Off The Wall were the best selling albums that year. My favorite song was this song called Doot Doot by Freur (who went on to form the band Underworld) 

Maybe its best that Ruby doesn’t see that. Do what I say, not as I did. 

-So regarding my car lust: Dodge has come out with a new concept (not on the market yet) remake of the Challenger. I have to say that my favorite muscle car era wasn’t the 70’s but I would make an exception here.If I had this car, I would make sure that I did a split AND a walkover on the hood in a skimpy dress like Tawny Kitaen did in a Whitesnake video.

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